Are Some People Blacker Than Other People?

One of the things that has always annoyed me is the perception of what some view as the definition of “being black” in our society. Living in a predominantly white community, I oftentimes find myself in the awkward position of fielding strange questions about black culture. At work, I am asked about whether something would be offensive to black people or if it is OK. That doesn’t bother me as much as some conversations I find myself in about blackness. I am often told by some white people (or it is somehow inferred) that I am not “black” enough. More than once, I’ve been told that there was a white person who was “more black” than I am. We are a nation of stereotypes – to be sure. If I were to become angry about the topic then I might likely be labeled as the “angry black man” by some of these same people. It amazes me how some people who are not particularly familiar with black culture make such judgements about whether a black person is “black enough” to fit into their image of what black culture is all about. For far too many people, black culture is what they see in gangsta rap music videos, in movies or with professional athletes. This is a slap in the face to the diversity that exists within the black community. Black people are like white people in the sense that we are diverse we are Democrats, Republicans, intellectuals, poor, rich, middle class, goofy, serious, angry, sad and so on and so forth. But, for some people this is difficult – if not impossible – to understand. A part of me has learned to live with the images that a lot of white people (most remarkably some who come from small towns or some who have been in small towns for most of their lives) have an image of what a typical black person is like and that I don’t necessarily fit that image as much as they might think I should. It’s ignorance in one of its most simplistic forms. Now, when I am in a professional setting, I am not going to get all gangsta and whatever. I’m not going to start spitting gangsta rap lyrics laced with profanity and/or misogynistic topics. In professional settings I have to convey a professional way of behaving. But, that does not mean I or anyone else should have to display our “black” credentials like a photo I.D. because we may not fit the stereotypical image that some around us have of certain minorities.

Would Women Look At What A Guy Is Packin’ In His Shorts?

We all know the stereotypes of guys? You know what I mean. Women have the belief that guys are talking to the breasts of women more than her face. Women believe that men are always checking out their legs or their butt. But, does it work both ways? Hmm …..

Do Men Go For Looks As Much As Women Think?

Many women are of the belief – the near-unshakable belief – that men lock in on the looks of a woman and base everything else off of physical attractiveness. In many ways, it’s understandable that women would think this about men. After all, that is clearly the stereotype that so many of us have grown up with all of our lives. Women are of the belief that the eyes of guys focus on their ass as they walk by or their breasts/cleavage in face-to-face conversation. To some extent, perhaps this is true of guys. To some extent, human can be as shallow as a puddle on the ground after a light drizzle in late April. Of course, some guys are not as skilled at others at hiding their desires for women with certain physical characteristics considered to be attractive. Here is a comment I found on the Internet that grabbed my attention: “Not all men go just for looks, but from what I’ve observed and experienced, many make looks, a high priority. Observe a man while watching TV or a movie. Does he talk about what an interesting, intelligent or nice person a female appears to be? Doubtful! More times than not the focus is on the ‘body’ and often just the ‘parts’.” There is probably some truth to the words of this person, but no guy wants to spend time (long-term time) with a woman who is crazy, angry, hostile, slutty or any other negative attribute you can think of to add to the list. Also, don’t underestimate youth in these stereotypes. As we get older, we appreciate the more important attributes that make for strong relationships. What we like when we’re teenagers may not necessarily appeal to us in our 30s and 40s when we’re ready to settle down.

Online Dating: Is It A Good Thing Or A Bad Thing?

I’ve tried several different online dating sites and, I must admit, I feel like the jury is still out for me as to whether they are good or bad. We’ve seen (those of us who have a television on) those commercials of these great love stories from those who have participated in eHarmony. Actually, I know people who have had great success with that service and ended up married … just like the commercial. So, I suppose it can work for some people … even if it fails for others of us. I’ve seen commercials for other dating sites as well. Success stories are all over the place. But, my story has hardly been the picture of success and it has recently made me question whether I should continue with this whole online dating thing. Now, there are horror stories of people meeting freaks who are different than their photos suggest, taller or shorter, fatter or skinnier, smarter or dumber, or whatever else than their profile might otherwise suggest. Let us start with the obvious, always make sure to get to know someone as well as possible before going on a date with them. It might be a good idea (particularly for women) to maybe go to a very public place or meet your date with a friend. These are all fairly standard questions. As a fairly tall guy and big guy, those worries are not necessarily my worries. My worries are about the way that some online dating sites are set up. A photo and a profile and you basically go fishing seeing if you can get a bite. Now, eHarmony is supposed to be an alternative to this more typical approach to Internet dating. In some ways it is, but in other ways it’s all the same. It’s always difficult to get to know someone’s personality until you meet them. It’s also painfully challenging to truly get to know what is in a person’s soul. I guess the bottom line, for me at least, is I’ve struck out with them all thus far. Maybe it’s time for me to take a break from them … a breather of sorts. I’ll have to think about it.